It happened suddenly

Walk forward. You are in the future. Step back. You are in the present. What is my point? You can't go back. . . That's what I felt when Grief introduced itself to me. I was in the unreal present. I tried to go backward, but there was no way. It happened so suddenly! One second, I was happy, hopeful, and expecting no change - the next second, I stepped forward, through a hospital door, and I was in the future - with no exit to go backward. Grief was NOW in my present.

My present was not happy, not hopeful, and I felt locked somewhere in Grief's control. This was new. This was unpleasant. This was scary. I wanted out. It had happened so suddenly! I felt shocked - I felt so confused - I felt paralyzed ---what was this future with Grief?!

These are my thoughts and feelings, it was not my first introduction to grief, but the first introduction to Grief that sucked my breath and froze my air of time...this was deeply personal and all about me. Oh Lord, help!