Can't Find Yourself in the 'Stages of Grief'?

Are you feeling isolated in your grief? Do you wonder why you aren't moving through grief as you've been told to or were taught? Maybe you feel like you're grieving "wrong" or doing something differently than expected. If you identify with this, take a deep breath — you're not alone, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.

The good news is that you're not stuck or failing in your grief. The idea of 'stages of grief' is both confusing and misleading. The misconception that grief follows a fixed series of stages stems from a misunderstanding. The truth is, there are no predetermined stages of grief.

Let’s clarify this. When Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first introduced her concept of the stages of grief in On Death and Dying, she was describing the emotional responses of those who were dying — not those who were grieving. Unfortunately, many readers mistakenly applied these stages to the grieving process, and the misconception spread widely. While Kübler-Ross later published On Grief and Grieving to correct this, few people read or shared the updated information.

Grief is the deep emotional pain that accompanies the loss of someone or something deeply loved. It is a unique and personal experience — not confined by stages. What you're feeling is a natural, normal response to loss, and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. There is only the need to grieve.

Let’s move beyond this myth and embrace a more compassionate understanding of grief — one that acknowledges your unique experience and honors the reality of your emotions.